Indirect Fighting Tactics

I liked how the book showed all the different fighting tactics. There are a couple of different tactics. Nonconfrontation, which includes humor or teasing, Direct Fighting, which shows hostility and rejects, and Indirect Fighting, which includes topic shifts, defensiveness, and evasive remarks. I think, and I am sure my husband would agree that I use indirect fighting tactics with him. I think most girls do because this kind of fighting includes a lot of attitude. The famous “Whatever” statement is infamous with me. I am learning though to more direct, not defensive, and talk out the issues then letting emotions get in the way.

Family and Life Span Issues (Chpt. 15)

Attachment styles are a significant part of our lives. They are related to how we cope with conflict, behave nonverbally, fall in love, and form satisfying relationships. There are three kinds of attachment styles. Secure, who are comfortable with intimacy and closeness, Avoidant, who do not trust others and are independent, and Anxious/ambivalent, who are fairly comfortable with closeness but are afraid of abandonment or rejection. I believe that these attachment styles are similar to babies. I learned in a class about how babies react to mothers and fathers in these types of styles. I wonder if the babies exhibit a certain kind when they are little, if it continues into adulthood?

Interpersonal Conflict (Chpt. 13)

Conflict is never a favorite of mine. In fact I am the type to shy away from conflict because it is uncomfortable for me. There are different styles of conflict. Competing style reflects a low concern for others and high concern for self. Accommodating style reflects high concern for others, low concern for self. Collaborating style is lack of concern for others and self. Withdrawing style, people avoid or withdraw from the situation. Finally the compromising style is a moderation of assertiveness and cooperation. Now I have done all of these types in my life. I used to be accommodating but after learning to stand up for myself I think I have moved to the compromising style. I tend to be the "peacemaker" of my friends, and I think compromising has a lot of advantages.

Socially appropriate behaviors (Chpt. 12)

Socially appropriate behaviors are nothing new to us. We do these everyday and it always changes in each setting. These behaviors are mannerly, courteous, and respectful behavior, versus rude, uncivilized, and ill mannered. However, these behaviors are culturally learned rules. What is expected among people and the norm of the culture makes up these appropriate behaviors. Europe has very different behaviors concerning "boundaries" with one another versus the U.S. Americans will shake hands when first meeting, in Italy you greet with giant hugs and kisses. It can be extremely impolite in social situations not to be affectionate when greeting people in Italy, even if it is uncomfortable for us because that is what is socially appropriate in those greetings.

Developing Online Relationships

Chatrooms on the Internet can be very deceiving and surprisingly addicting. The books talks about how relationships develop and escalate online. On one chatroom 61% formed a personal relationship online, most being friendships. 10% of them were romantic with 64% saying their relationships were intimate. That is amazing to me how for some it is easier to meet people online. Obviously the online dating sites have skyrocketed in the last couple of years. I had a friend who would make friends online and start talking to them on the phone, then meeting in person. We were very wary of this because it isn't very safe. Eventually she stopped because the guys she met were a little weird. If we ever are talking to a stranger online, we need to take extra precautions to stay safe and keep boundaries.

De-escalating Relationships (Chpt. 11)

There are probably thousands of books on how to books on marriage. The book made interesting statements in this chapter about factors contributing to relational dissolution and divorce. Conflict will always be in a relationship but I have heard it can be good because it brings you closer in your relationship. Well, with positive message behavior, this would be good in conflict, but negative message behavior can overtime destroy the relationship. Through negative message behavior comes flooding which leads to emotional reactions like criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, and withdrawal. It is very easy to let our emotions get nasty in an argument. I am passionate about having a healthy and lasting marriage. I am reading a book called Love and Respect which talks about how to communicate in conflict and why we react the way we do by criticizing or stonewalling. Essentially women primarily need love and men primarily need respect. If we are not getting our primary need met we react in negative ways to our partner. If we can figure out how to communicate with our partner and grow in conflict, it will be priceless for the relationship!

Maintaining Relationships (Chpt. 10)

This chapter is fascinating to me because I love reading about relationships, especially romantic relationships. The different love styles and ways were really interesting to read and think about how my relationship with my husband fits. The martial typology was interesting as well. There are three primary kinds: Traditional, Separate, and Independent. From reading the definitions I know my husband and I are traditional. I took his last name, I maintain the house and cook dinner etc. Interestingly though I enjoy doing the "wifely duties. I find a certain security in this role. I much rather do the chores then be in the corporate world working 12 hour days anytime.

Escalating Relationships (Chpt. 9)

When this chapter talks about attitude similarity, I totally agree. It says that people tend to be attracted to others who are similar called homogamy, however the phrase "opposites attract" is true as well. The conclusion is that we share similarities in our attitudes, beliefs, and values, but can be opposite in our interpersonal needs. My husband and I do share similar beliefs and values in life, but we are opposite in many ways that actually balance and complement the other. He is more outgoing, optimistic, and a dreamer. I on the other hand am more of the realist. I like to plan things out and be in control. We definitely balance each other.

Embarrassment

I thought it was so awesome how the book broke down what people do when they get embarrassed. Evasion has the majority at 28%. People would simply pretend nothing happened, change the topic, or ignore it. 17% engaged in remediation meaning correcting or cleaning up the problem. Also making a humorous joke reduced feelings of embarrassment 17% of the time as well. Apologies ranked 14%, flight like escaping the scene at 9% and excuses at 8% were used when people were embarrassed. I have been embarrassed quite a few times and I have probably used every one at one point. I know if I am ever on the other side of the situation, I try to make the person feel better like “that has happened to me” or a story that makes them feel less embarrassed. I find that laughing at your self is the best way to get over it!

Defending the Self (Chpt. 8)

Apologies come in all kinds of forms. Some are sincere, some are guilty, and some are more sorry for being caught then sorry at all. I know we have said them and we always hear them, but who knew there were different types? Concession is a simple statement of guilt like “ I was wrong” whereas a perfunctory apology is a brief expression of regret. “I’m sorry.” A full apology can have as many as five elements in it including; expression of guilt, remorse, or embarrassment, recognition of inappropriate conduct, rejection of that conduct, acknowledgement of appropriate conduct, and penance. Those are a lot of steps to an apology, but the best kind!

Disclosing the Self (Chpt. 7)

I never really thought about timing in disclosing personal information in a conversation. Researchers say those who typically reveal personal information immediately in the conversation are seen as immature or fake, rather than those who disclose some a couple of minutes in. Thinking back there have been times when talking to a stranger or acquaintance and they would blurt personal information out, whether negative or positive in the first couple of seconds of the conversation. It always seemed awkward and random and my perception of them altered when this would happen. I guess timing and tactfulness are important when it comes to self-disclosure.

Presenting The Self (Chpt. 6)

The Internet age has brought such a different relationship to interpersonal communication. In Chapter 6, I thought it was very interesting how it talked about self-presentation tactics, especially in self-description. Now with blogs, Myspace, Facebook, and other communicative resources online, we are always describing ourselves in ways that create desirable public impressions. Everyone portrays some kind of image on these sites and typically it is in a positive way, or similar to what others may believe them to be. We are constantly maintaining our image in ways we describe ourselves, the music we like, our beliefs on things, even our pictures on these sites. Most want to show a desirable image to others, even if it is not always the truth.

Interpersonal Communication Competence

Have you ever had a conversation where you wanted to simply vent your feelings? Girls know what I am talking about. It doesn’t matter how irrational or illogical you feel in emotions, you just simply want to have someone to talk to and let it all out. Empathy is critical in these moments. It is defined as the ability to show you understand the situation and you share emotional reactions. By showing empathy, you suspend your own attitude, judgments, and values on the conversation and letting perspective take place. Empathetic people are crucial in relationships because they can be a great listener and not be judgmental or harsh, no matter if they agree or disagree.

Self and Society

Learning about self-monitoring was interesting. I know people who are both high self-monitors and low self-monitors, I just never knew there was a term for it. High self-monitors are very aware of their behavior, and can adapt to situations. They like to be the center of attention, and have friendships based on activities, but have a lower sense of depth and commitment in the friendship. Low self-monitors are very knowledgeable about themselves, and have to “be themselves.” They typically desire deep friendships that are compatible and have endurance to last. After learning the behavioral tendencies of both, I am a low self-monitor. However, I definitely have friends who are high self-monitors because they can be fun and entertaining. They are the people who make life full of surprises!

Fundamentals of Social Cognition

Stereotypes. I know we have all done this to others, as well as experienced it for ourselves. I think it is interesting that stereotypes are a way to categorize and organize people into groups, whether that is ethnic, cultural, or social. The book calls stereotypes a "knowledge structure" because it helps people process information. It is normal in how we guide through communication and behavior, but as we know, some stereotypes we acknowledge may not be true to the actual person. I have been stereotyped in negative ways and I did not appreciate it because I felt judged or misunderstood, however I know I do it to others probably more than I think. I think we need to keep an open mind and not let stereotypes dictate how we communicate with others or what we initially think of them.

Fundamentals of Listening

Listening is incredibly important to all parts of life. In this chapter the work environment was discussed in how researchers have found listening to be critical to the business in every aspect. Better listening skills have found to help people meet their own, as well as the organization's goals. I never knew listening could be such an effective tool in efficient communication. To be an effective communicator, listening has to be just a vital as the verbal communication. I know plenty of people that talk a lot, but don't listen very well. It can be frustrating, because a conversation that could only take a few minutes leads to an hour because of miscommunication. In a sense, listening leads to organization, which helps with efficiency and goals because miscommunication can hopefully be avoided.

Week 1

So this is definitely a first with an online class but I think it's cool, it kind of mixes things up a bit. Okay so about myself..I am currently taking another online class besides this one, so I am trying to be as organized as possible! I am a Comm major with a correlation on adolescent/emerging adulthood development and issues. I am graduating in the Spring 09 and I am excited about what that will bring!

A concept that stuck out to me was in chapter 3 in regards to nonverbal behavior. This type of communication reminds me of clues you need to put together to understand the whole picture. Especially with nonverbal emotional expressions, this can be very complex because emotions are complex. If we can better understand someone's posture, tone, or expression through nonverbal emotions, we can better communicate in a clear and helpful manner.